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Your Child's Hospital Visit

Preparing Your Child

It’s natural to worry about when and how to tell your child that he or she is going to need a medical procedure or a stay in the hospital. And, it’s tempting to try to spare your child anxiety by keeping it secret. However, children often pick up on your mood or hear things you didn’t intend. Then, they fill in the blanks, usually with information that’s far worse than the truth.

Like adults, children of all ages cope much better if they’ve had a chance to understand what’s going to happen and why it’s necessary, to express their worries and to get reassurance and support.

When and how you tell your child will depend on his or her age, personality and how he or she has handled stressful situations in the past.

Choose the right time

  • Your child’s age is a good guide to determine how soon to share information. In general, tell:
Pre-school children
One or two days ahead of time
School-aged children
About a week in advance
Adolescents
As soon as possible
If your child is developmentally younger or older than his or her chronological age, you’ll want to adjust accordingly.
  • Select a time when your home is quiet and you won’t be interrupted.
  • Consider your child's attention span. Some children do better when information is presented in several short discussions rather than a single long one.

Set the tone

  • Use a calm, relaxed tone of voice.
  • Let your child know it’s okay to ask questions and express feelings.


Explain only what your child can understand

  • Use language and concepts appropriate to your child’s age. For younger children:
    • Be careful with medical terminology. Young children might conclude that when someone “takes” blood, they’ll take it all. Or they could confuse words, like “dye” with “die.”
    • Check as you go along to make sure your child understands new terms. Just because a child uses a word doesn’t mean he or she understands it.
    • Look for ways to substitute familiar words in place of medical words. For instance, if your child will be on a heart monitor you could refer to the electrodes (the small conducting patches) as “stickies.”
  • Try not to overwhelm your child with too much information at one time. You can judge how your child is processing information by the questions he or she asks.

Focus on what your child will experience and remember

Unless he or she asks, a lot of detail about what will happen under sedation isn’t necessary.

 

Be honest but reassuring

  • Explain the reason for the procedure or hospitalization. At the same time:
    • Stress the benefits of the procedure (you will feel better, the doctors will find out why you don’t feel well, the doctors will fix a part of your body so it works right).
    • Let your child know that many other children have had the same procedure.
    • Make sure your child understands the illness isn’t his or her fault. Younger children, in particular, may think they’re being punished for bad behavior.
  • Use “gentle” words wherever possible. For example, you might say a surgeon will “make” an opening rather than “cut” an opening. Also, avoid phrases a child will associate with a negative experience. “Being put to sleep” will probably conjure up the image of the family pet being taken to the vet, never to return.
  • Try to save topics that you believe will cause your child the most stress to the end of the conversation.
  • Don’t tell your child that a painful procedure won't hurt. If you do, he or she may not believe you the next time. Conversely, don’t plant fears. Children, like adults, are unique when it comes to experiencing pain. What’s uncomfortable for one child may not be for another.
    • Ask your child’s doctor for guidance on how much discomfort there might be, how long it will last and how to best explain it to your child.
    • If your child will be sedated during a procedure, explain how anesthesia (or “sleeping medicine”) works. Be careful to explain that they’ll wake up after the doctor is through (older children may worry about waking up in the middle of a procedure or not waking up at the end).
    • Explain that if anything hurts right after a procedure, a doctor or nurse can give medication to stop the pain.
    • Reassure your child that even though something may hurt, the pain won’t last forever.
    • Help your child by practicing coping skills ahead of time, such as counting, deep breathing or thinking about a relaxing place.
    • Tell children that it’s okay to cry, whatever their age.
  • Explain any changes your child should expect in appearance, such as a scar or hair loss, and offer to help him or her decide what to say to friends.
  • Share feelings. Let your child know it is okay to be afraid. Reassure them of the positives: "It will be over soon," "It will help you get better."
  • Unless asked, avoid talking about possible complications. Help your child separate reality from fantasy.
  • Your child may have questions you can’t answer. It’s better to admit you don’t know than to tell your child something that’s not true. You can involve your child in his or her own treatment by working together to compile a list of questions for the doctor.

Make things more undertsandable

  • Explain the basics such as:
    • What the doctors and nurses will wear;
    • What he or she will wear;
    • Where and how the nurses and doctors will touch his or her body, and how that might feel.
    • What a typical day in the hospital is like.
    Sprinkle in some positives, such as:
    • "You won’t have to make the bed or do chores."
    • "You'll get a telephone and television."
    • "You'll get a bed with buttons to push to make it go up and down."
    • "You'll get to play with toys from a special playroom."
    • "You'll get to eat in your bed."
  • Attend a pre-admission program with your child. Our Child Life Specialists provide tours so families can see the unit, meet staff and learn about the hospital prior to a child’s admission. Contact them at 585-275-9878. Make sure your child gets to see different parts of the hospital, too, such as playrooms and cafeterias.
  • Use books.There are some terrific ones written for children of various ages to help prepare them for a visit to the hospital. Books may be your best opportunity to reach out to adolescents. Their concerns are more complex than those of younger children but their growing need for independence, privacy and control may prevent them from confiding in their parents.
  • “Play hospital.” It’s a great way to help younger children become familiar with medical procedures and to gain their cooperation. Play also provides a safe outlet to help them voice their fears.
    • Use dolls or stuffed animals to practice a procedure.
    • Take turns being the doctor and patient. It may help to buy a toy medical kit to make your play more realistic. Role-playing helps children develop a sense of mastery over an experience.

Ways to help comfort your child

  • Pack “security items” like pajamas, cuddly toys or a favorite blanket. They can help your child feel less alone. (Be sure to label everything with your child’s name.)
  • Let your child know when you and other family members will be there, and reassure him or her that hospital staff will be there to help at all times.

Help your child express his or her feelings

  • Ask your child questions to make sure he or she understands what you’ve said.
  • Take all of his or her questions seriously.
  • Listen sympathetically to your child. Let your child know that it’s all right to feel sad or scared.
  • Encourage younger children to express their feelings through play or art. They might be more comfortable in talking about their fears as a concern of a stuffed or imaginary “friend.”
  • Admit your own feelings and reassure your child that he or she is not to blame—that no one should feel guilt for becoming ill.

If your child shows signs of excessive fear and worries, ask your doctor if a psychological evaluation might be in order. Look for changes in eating or sleeping habits and whether he or she has become unusually quiet and withdrawn or, conversely, aggressive and angry.